Who disappoints me the most…
When you were younger, the worst thing your parents could ever say to you, or anyone important in your life for that matter, was that you disappointed them. It made you feel horrible and you would try your best to do anything to make them feel proud of you once again. What happens when a disease/illness disappoints you? NOTHING, absolutely nothing happens. Well I take that back actually. Something does happen. You disappoint those around you who you love and care for by having to once again break plans because said illness decided to disappoint you. But does the illness feel the same regret and sorrow a person does when they know they’ve let someone down? Nope! It just keeps on disappointing you which in turn has you continuing to disappoint those you care about.
Lupus is the one I can always count on to disappoint me. Lately, whenever I try to make plans that I become very excited for, without fail, Lupus decides to rear it’s ugly head. This weekend I had made plans with two of my closest friends. Plans that I was thoroughly excited about as, one they involved seeing both of these friends that I adore and two it meant I would actually not be confined to my apartment all weekend as has been very much the case most of this winter. But I was disappointed yet again by Lupus. I started flaring up on Friday and Lupus decided it’d be fun to stick around the entire weekend causing me to yet again disappoint my friends by having to breaking plans. While I know both of these friends understand because they have seen me at my sickest, it is still disappointing no matter how understanding one can be.
How much more disappointment can one person stand to endure? On the other hand though, what if we look at it from another perspective. One could say Lupus is reliable, more reliable than anyone or anything else could ever be. It’s always there and doesn’t ever seem to stand you up or keep you waiting. I’d appreciate it if it became just a little bit less reliable lately though. This way I wouldn’t have to disappoint someone I care about yet again…
I have become one of “those” people…
Who is trying to find some kind of energy booster so much that I am drinking coffee with my salad today. I NEVER usually have more than one drink of coffee which is typically my iced coffee in the morning. Welp, not today! Bring on the caffeine!!
